Sharing about my journey to my diagnosis.
Hello Pre-cancer Friends,
Happy Monday!
Does this greeting strike you as confusing? Pre-cancer Friends? Well, I thought it might. I’m back to share some more cancer insight, but also to encourage you to get busy living today!
Yes, today’s post is all about my cancer diagnosis journey – Part 2. But I would be remiss to not continue to share what I’m learning about cancer. So, today’s cancer fact comes from Chris Wark’s modules yet again. Thank you to everyone who purchased his resources for me from the Amazon Wishlist. I have been reading them all!
“Cancer is natural and it is normal. Every person has cancer cells in their body. But not everyone has tumors. The difference between the person with cancerous tumors, and the person with no tumors, is their immune system.
Your immune system is designed to identify and eliminate cancer cells in your body. The immune system is designed to identify and eliminate cancer cells. If it’s not doing that – if you have a tumor, if you have a lump/bump/lesion in your body – then that is an indication that your immune system is either overloaded or suppressed…or maybe both.
Your body is overworked. It can’t keep up with the demands you’re placing on it. So, the body creates cancer. Cancer didn’t invade you from another planet. These are your cells. It’s you. Cancer is you. It’s your cells, your DNA. Your body created it. And your body can heal it.”
I am severely paraphrasing this information here. Truth is, I can’t encourage you enough to check out www.chrisbeatcancer.com and become a SQ1 member. I wish I had this knowledge during the pre-cancer part of my life. I could’ve been living preventatively, but I didn’t know how important it was. Or maybe, in part, I did – but I truly lived believing that cancer and/or disease was not going to be a part of my story. I thought I was “probably healthy enough.”
Another quote from Chris that hit me between the eyes recently (because this is 100% me):
“I was relatively clueless about health and the human body when I was diagnosed, but I devoured as much information as I could find and learned some extraordinary things that changed my life and restored my health.
You can change your life. But changing your life often requires a paradigm shift and re-education. We all go through life with various levels of selective ignorance, especially about health and medicine. Ignorance is bliss, but knowledge requires accountability. The reality is that sometimes we just don’t want to know certain things because knowing means we will have to make difficult decisions.”
Of course, I’ve known that eating healthy and exercising should be a good thing for me. But was I doing those things? No. Nothing about the way I’ve lived my life for years has prioritized either of these things.
Have I heard of non-toxic living and products? Was I believing in their importance? No. I was living to save a couple of bucks, anywhere I could, and buying store brand products.
Now? I’m a wellness advocate wishing to preach it from the rooftops of Gainesville. When I got desperate on this journey (a month before my diagnosis) I pursued seeking-out a non-toxic lifestyle. I started with looking into doTERRA, and I’m so glad I did. The new doTERRA abode line, consisting of natural home care and cleaning products, is what lured me. Once I received my cancer diagnosis, I was already underway in changing-out products throughout our home and open-minded to reducing the toxicity in our home environment.
I joke that I went on an essential oil “apology tour” because I’ve had so many friends throughout the years who have tried to teach me about the benefits of essential oils, but I was not ready to hear it. I thought they were expensive snake oils and just another pyramid scheme, but I had no basis for making that assumption.
The Lord connected me with Claudia Saputo (essential-nurse.com) who quickly became a new friend and my first guide to wellness. I’m sharing this part of my journey because I don’t want you to get to a place of desperation like me. Not when you can choose to pursue wellness now. We can even do it together. Seriously, please write me if you want to hear more.
You see, the first part of my cancer diagnosis journey began with my body developing a weird cyst on my back, right next to my spine. I had first noticed it growing around the time that Michael and I got married in November of 2020. On June 1, 2021, almost a year ago from today, I had an ancillary procedure to have it removed. I was 5/6 months pregnant with Moses at the time.
For months before then, I had been aware of inflammation in my body. My back and face were both breaking out with acne, and I couldn’t figure out the cause. Now that I know cysts are sometimes caused by infections, stress, and chronic inflammation, I realize that this cyst was a pre-cursor to all that would come.
They gave me local anesthesia to my back and removed the cyst while I was awake on an operating table. While it wasn’t painful, it was a strange experience of feeling them apply pressure while Moses also kicked inside of my belly. I had stitches for a few weeks, which Michael had to clean and take care of. It was a minor procedure, but I couldn’t shower without trouble, and I had some discomfort while it healed for at least two months.
The doctors who performed the surgery told me that my body was reacting to something. They wanted me to look at the products I was using and to assess my level of stress. In June 2021, we were moving into our new house. I had managed a home renovation, while pregnant, from our closing date of February 19th through June 5th, when we eventually moved in. We found out we were pregnant with (surprise baby) Moses in January 2021, a month before Michael moved to Gainesville from Missouri. A LOT was going on. I was also doing real estate full-time, working every day and juggling deals.
My best friend Paige Grindle has done my hair for years. She has always encouraged me to not use cheap products on my hair. She has been generous to allow me to try several nice products, but I still always bought cheap shampoo and conditioner from the grocery store. At the time of the cyst, I had been using Herbal Essences.
As a kid growing up in the 90’s, I always thought it was the jam. I remember their full-spread ads in the magazines and their commercials that promised sensuality. I always told myself I would grow up and buy Herbal Essences. My neighbors across the street had it when I was in middle school, and I just knew it made them cooler than me.
Fast forward to year 2021, age 33, and I’m convinced that Herbal Essences was among many different things that caused inflammation throughout my body. The toxicity I had exposed myself to throughout the years was catching up to me and disrupting my quality of life. Per Paige’s recommendation, I made the switch to a quality shampoo and conditioner that ultimately reversed the trouble with my skin. But that was only a small step in this health journey.
While I know that my diet and a less toxic environment are both crucial to my healing journey, I have to be honest with you that without reducing my stress I don’t believe that either of these pursuits will heal me from cancer. In seeking the Lord, I have come to realize that my chronic stress and anxiety is the biggest piece of my healing puzzle. My brain has been sick from trauma and I’m taking the steps to restore it back to health.
If I had to guess, my chronic stress began in 2013/2014. Before then, I don’t remember having trouble sleeping, grinding my teeth, or slowing down. Busyness became a coping mechanism for me to keep me from leaning into my pain and trauma. I know I’m not alone in this, and if this is you, too – I would love to pray for you. Please share with me. Promise me you will take a step towards addressing your chronic stress.
I’ll be vulnerable and share first.
In December of 2013, we lost Ruthie Marek who was my mom’s best friend. Through her death (from cancer) I became saved. Ruthie’s example, and my mother’s prayers for years, revealed God’s love for me in a miraculous way with her passing. My salvation wrecked my life, in the best possible way. I was a radical transformation as my mom would say… “a Saul to Paul kind of transformation!” I had never read God’s word, and I had a lot to work-out with the way I’d been living my life.
In July of 2014 my ex-husband and I were married and in July of 2016, we welcomed our first beautiful daughter. In August of 2018, we welcomed our second beautiful daughter. Sadly, in March of 2019, I received divorce papers after a difficult and strenuous time. In September of 2019, the unthinkable happened and I became legally divorced.
I went from being a stay-at-home mom of a 2-year-old and a 6-month-old baby to a single-mom and sole provider for myself fighting a regrettable custody battle, overnight. I was devastated. I hustled to rejoin the workforce, but it was terribly difficult leaving the girls at home. It was hard going back to living with my wonderful and generous parents, but I did what I had to.
I have no bitterness or blame to throw out; that’s not important. I just know that in that time, I went into “fight or flight mode,” and I haven’t been able to shake-it since.
Even now, I can say my life is materially, relationally, and circumstantially improved but the weight of the past remains. Even though things are “better,” there is trauma and pain I have never addressed. It’s as if the past is saying, “You may think you’re done with me, but I’m not done with you.” I can write these things out sounding confident and hopeful, but I still have brokenness to surrender to God. Please, pray that I would have the will to do it!
As heavy as all that sounds, I can say with full assurance that the Lord has blessed me tremendously even when I have had ever-present suffering. There is much to say about the faithfulness of Jesus, and I will. More on His blessings in Part 3.
In Him,
